By Sym Posey | The Birmingham Times
In the quiet, in-between moments of life — after loss, during transition, or in the slow unraveling of identity — Deidre Clark offers something simple yet deeply intentional: a pause.
Her newly released card deck, Becoming You, is described as “a card deck for when life stops, but the world doesn’t.” But for Clark, the project is far more than a reflective tool—it is a deeply personal response to grief, identity, and the long journey back to oneself.
“I think of it as kind of an anchor for the in-between,” Clark said. “A place where you can just be with yourself.”
Navigating Profound Loss
Clark’s idea for Becoming You was born out of a life-altering moment. In 2021, her partner of more than a decade, Birmingham artist and poet Brian “Voice Porter” Hawkins, died unexpectedly in his sleep. Clark was left to navigate life as a mother of two young boys while grappling with profound loss.
“I was standing in my bedroom one day, and I was like, ‘How much of who I am today is genuinely just me?’” she recalled. “And how much of who I am had been in service of my relationship?”
That question lingered. Alongside it came others — quiet, searching, and often without immediate answers.
At the same time, a friend navigating new motherhood expressed a similar feeling: a desire to “get to know myself again.” Clark recognized a shared need—across grief, transition, and change — to reconnect with self in an honest, unstructured way.
So, she began writing questions.
“I sat on the edge of my bed that night and prayed… and every time I woke up, there was another series of questions.”
Self-Remembrance, Not Self-Help
What started as a small collection of just 20 prompts and a few grounding exercises — eventually evolved into something much larger.
Initially imagined as a workbook, the project resisted structure.
“It didn’t feel right,” Clark said. “And it turned into this card deck.”
Five years in the making, Becoming You officially launched in early February, with Clark personally packaging orders and hand-delivering decks to local supporters in Birmingham.
The deck contains about 52 cards, each offering a prompt or grounding word—questions like:
“What parts of yourself have you silenced for acceptance?”
But Clark is clear: there is no “right” way to use them.
“If you’ve got a solid two minutes, you can pull a card,” she said. “If something comes up, great. If nothing comes up, that’s okay too.”
Clark resists labeling Becoming You as self-help.
“It’s not self-help — it’s self-remembrance,” she explained. “We give ourselves out in so many places… What happens when we gather those pieces back?”
That philosophy shapes how the cards are meant to be used — not as a productivity tool, but as a personal container.
“This is a space where you don’t have to perform,” she said. “Not for yourself, not for the culture, not for your family.”
Instead, the goal is something quieter.
“If I had to give it one word,” Clark said, “I would say steady.”
Clark still uses the deck herself, often in the early morning or late at night.
Her practice is fluid — sometimes journaling, sometimes sitting in silence, sometimes responding through poetry or even tears.
“Sometimes I don’t have an answer at all,” she said. “And that doesn’t mean I did anything wrong.”
Inspired in part by the idea of “living a question,” she embraces the uncertainty.
“Maybe the answer comes two weeks later. Or six months later. That’s part of it.”
Fostering Connection
Outside of Becoming You, Clark serves as Director of Membership and Community Engagement at the Alabama Association, continuing her long-standing work of building relationships and fostering connection.
Her background includes founding a youth arts nonprofit and deep roots in Birmingham’s creative community — work that, in many ways, laid the foundation for this more inward-facing project.
“I’ve always been building containers for community,” said Clark, who grew up in Ensley. “This is just turning that work inward.”
Looking ahead, Clark hopes to expand the experience through small, intimate circles — spaces where women can gather, reflect, and simply be present with themselves and each other.
“I’m really curious about what happens when women make space for themselves — not for their families or their work — but for themselves,” she said.
Five years after her loss, Clark describes herself as existing in a space that is both shaped by grief and expanded beyond it.
“Grief is not this quiet thing that leaves you alone,” she said. “But on the other side of that, I’m much more interested in knowing myself.”
That commitment to self-knowledge, to honesty, to presence — is the heartbeat of Becoming You. Not a solution. Not a promise of transformation. Just an invitation.
“It creates conditions for women to return to themselves,” Clark said. “Not on a timeline… but at the pace of their nervous system.”
Learn more at becomingyoudeck.com.
