NICOLE & DEFELLUS DUMAS
By Mia Watkins | The Birmingham Times
Live: Gardendale
Married: June 19, 2003
Met: A chance encounter, a unique name and a dollar bill led to forever for Nicole and Defellus Dumas. The two met when they were in 10th and 11th grade, respectively, at one of the only two parties that Defellus’ mother allowed him to go to that year.
“My mama didn’t play that,” he laughed.
Nicole remembers the party being boring when Defellus and his friends arrived.
“We’re trying to tell them not to waste their money,” she recalled. “Him and his friends came in anyway. His name being Defellus, [I thought] oh that’s different.”
“When I first started dating him, I’d say Defellus and my friends that I was dating more than one person,” she joked.
The two met up again at the second party that Defellus was allowed to attend.
“Me and my friend were like, ‘Oh that’s Defellus,” she said. “A slow song came on, and since I was in the front, I got to slow dance with him. When it was time to go, he asked for my number, and he couldn’t find any paper. There were no cellphones back then, so he asked somebody to borrow a dollar and wrote my number on the dollar.”
Nicole kicked it with Defellus’ older brother before meeting him. Literally.
“I kicked him because I thought he said an insult to me,” she said. “He said we were young, but that’s not what I heard. I thought he said, ‘she gives it away.’” But, he said that I gave it away that we were younger. When [Defellus] brought me home, his brother said, ‘That’s that girl who kicked me!”
It didn’t take long for the two to enter a relationship.
“We talked for a minute and then all of a sudden started being boyfriend and girlfriend,” he said. “We’ve been girlfriend and boyfriend ever since.”
First date: The two did a lot of “sofa sitting,” where Defellus’ parents met Nicole’s.
The couple’s first date was a momentous one in every high school student’s life: the prom.
The two went to his junior prom. She wore a black and white dress while he wore the customary tuxedo.
The turn: Nicole notes that Defellus was unique because he was marriage-minded at a very young age.
“One thing that he did was pray for a wife,” she said. “That’s what he did, and I’m here.”
It didn’t take long for them to get serious, but they also took their vow of virginity until marriage seriously, too.
“How we maintained virginity is there were times where I may have wanted to have sex or times that he wanted to have sex,” Nicole said. “But God kept us.”
Defellus soon graduated and went to the University of Alabama at Huntsville while Nicole completed her senior year.
“I probably didn’t visit him at UAH, but he came home to visit,” she said. “When I graduated, I actually went to Nashville for school, and he would visit me all the time. I would visit him sometimes.”
It took Defellus over a year to tell Nicole that he loved her. It took her a few months after that to say the same in response.
“He’d tell me he loved me and I’d say thank you for a long time until I meant it,” she said. “Then, I told him that I loved him back.”
Their bond was deep, even though they went to different schools. Nicole attended the Alabama School of Fine Arts and took dance lessons after school, while Defellus was an all-around athlete at Minor High School.
“I used to have to pick her up from school at 4:30 p.m. and take her to dance practice,” he remembered. “We were more mature than our children at that age. We were like old people in 11th grade.”
“We used to talk on the phone; that’s what we did most of high school because there were no cellphones,” she said. “He had football practice, and he would fall asleep on the phone all the time. I’d try to wake him up to hang up, but we’d still end up on the phone until morning.”
The proposal: The two were engaged during college, although family and friends referred to it as more of a promise to be together because of their young ages. By that time, they had already been dating for three years.
“We promised ourselves to each other,” Defellus confirms.
Defellus fooled Nicole into thinking that his grandmother was gifting her a dog for her birthday.
“I was doing a summer program, and I came home for the weekend,” she said. “He said, ‘Oh my grandmother got you a dog.’ And I’m getting excited about getting a dog. We go out to dinner at Macaroni Grill and there you write on the table. He wrote on the table, proposed and gave me the ring. It wasn’t the dog, but I got the ring. I didn’t even want a dog.”
“I don’t remember any of this,” Defellus joked.
Defellus said they only told family at first.
“They’d been seeing us this whole time,” Nicole said. “My brother was like his brother. His parents were like my parents. We were family already.”
They maintained their engagement through college visits and frequent phone calls.
“We did have cellphones then,” Nicole said. “The first minute was free, so we would talk for a minute and hang up, talk for another minute and hang up. We had it down. One time, my mama was in the room, and she was like, “Y’all are getting on my nerves with all this hanging up.”
The wedding: The two got married at St. John AME Church in Birmingham on a Thursday with Nicole’s aunt and uncle, Sheila and Roosevelt Williams III and Bobby Cox officiating. Their colors were lilac and cream. The couple was the first to host their wedding reception at the Harbert Center on a weekday.
“I had 14 bridesmaids,” Nicole said of the occasion. “He had 16 groomsmen. We had a junior bridesmaid and a junior groomsman, we had three or four flower girls, we had two candle lighters, a ringbearer and somebody that announced that the bride was coming.”
There were 500 guests.
“It rained that day and everybody showed up,” Defellus said.
Nicole remembers being at peace.
“Everybody was asking if I was nervous, and I was very calm,” she said. “I knew that he was the one for me, and I was the one for him. It didn’t bother me that it was raining, it didn’t bother me that anything was happening. I was definitely not a bridezilla.”
Defellus said his experience was less positive. He went to work the morning of the wedding and then had to contend with others’ thoughts about their decision to get married in their early 20s.
“Older women were asking why we were getting married so young, but that didn’t bother me,” he said. “As the kids say, haters are going to hate.”
But that changed as soon as Nicole was walking down the aisle.
“I said out loud, ‘Isn’t she so beautiful?” he said. “We were dating for seven years, and the number seven is complete. It came full circle.”
The honeymoon: The Dumas’ opted for a trip to Nashville instead of a honeymoon because they were buying a house.
“We bought a brand new house and had it built at the same time we were getting married,” Defellus said.
“That’s how we do,” Nicole agreed. “I graduated, we got married, he had a birthday and we got a house. I was working on a Ph.D. at the time, and I didn’t want to leave the lab.”
Words of wisdom: Nicole said dating is important in marriage. At one point, they were having lunch together every day.
“We have fun with just each other,” he said. “We don’t have to spend a lot of money for us to laugh and joke around.”
She also said that challenges are temporary in a relationship, citing a time where Defellus worked a lot and was away from home.
“I’ve matured as a person,” she said. “He’s doing that so we’d have money for the household. Be smart. What is the reason behind it?”
Defellus tells couples to watch what advice they give and receive.
“A lot of people will give advice but won’t take it themselves,” he said. “Your relationship is your relationship. It’s not the same as somebody else’s.”
“One thing that we said to each other is that we don’t want a marriage like anyone else’s,” Nicole added. “Don’t try to make your marriage fit into this thing because that’s not y’all. So why are you trying to make it fit that situation?”
Happily ever after: Nicole teaches AP Physics and Engineering at Ramsay High School. Defellus is the Senior Pastor at Mt. Hebron Baptist Church. He also works full-time at the Jefferson County Health Department, is a reserve deputy at the sheriff’s department and referees high school sports.
The couple has three children: 19-year-old Zoe, 17-year-old Ava and 11-year-old Defellus Jr.
Defellus said that when he was younger, his uncle told him that life really starts at marriage.
“He kept saying once you find your soulmate, then you can live life with them,” he said. “I’ve lived life with Nicole. We bought houses, cars. Every accomplishment, we were there.”
They continue to grow their bond, no matter how busy life gets.
“You Had Me at Hello’’ highlights married couples and the love that binds them. If you would like to be considered for a future “Hello’’ column, or know someone, please send nominations to editor@birminghamtimes.com. Include the couple’s name, contact number(s) and what makes their love story unique.
