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How About Self-Love on Valentine’s Day?


Keisa Sharpe-Jefferson

Special to The Birmingham Times

Valentine’s Day is Monday.

Cue the cards, chocolates, flowers and countless other expressions of love. We are all aware of the hyperfocus on the endearment between couples that surrounds this day. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

But what about those who are not in such “lovely” couple situations? For those who are single, separated or headed for divorce, this day can seem like one long nightmare that keeps playing over and over again.

For those who are truly “over it,” instead of the incessant consumption with coupledom, why not declare Valentine’s Day for you?

Anyone ready for a self love day? Before you roll your eyes, hear me out on this one.  It is simply one way I’m proposing to shift the cultural narrative, but you certainly aren’t limited to it. For this day, why not do something what makes you feel really good?

Just let that sink in because many of us often overlook ourselves or either feel guilty about putting ourselves first. But that’s another topic for another day.

Back to this concept of doing something for you. This can be whatever makes you feel good and is within reason (just thought I’d throw that out there).

Does this include:

–A pampering session complete with manicure and pedicure?

–A day at the massage parlor?

–A time of reading cuddled up in your favorite spot with your favorite book?

–An opportunity creating or ordering a delectable brunch, lunch or dinner?

–A day binge-watching your top shows or sitcoms with your best beverage (wink wink)?

As I suggest these, I know it’s a real struggle for some of you. Partially because we can inherently believe it’s wrong to put ourselves first. And, at times, we are more comfortable with someone else “making us feel good.”

But I have a news flash – it’s not anyone else’s responsibility to make you feel good about you. We welcome others’ generous gestures and displays of affection, but our worth nor happiness should depend on it.

Because if we aren’t careful, it sets us up for failure every time they don’t respond in the way we think they should.

And hear me carefully, this word of wisdom transcends whatever state you are in – whether single, separated or happily married. Now that I’ve named a few, what are some other items you can think of to treat yourself really good on Valentine’s Day?

I bet you have a couple I haven’t even thought of.  I’d love to hear them.

As always, know I’m cheering for you.

Coach K

Keisa Sharpe-Jefferson is a life coach, author and speaker. Her column appears each month online and in The Birmingham Times. You can contact Keisa at keisasharpe@yahoo.com and visit http://www.allsheanaturals.com for natural hair and body products.