BY JE’DON HOLLOWAY-TALLEY | Special to the Birmingham Times
TONYA & BERNARD MITCHELL
Live: Birmingham
Married: Dec. 31, 2024
Met: February 2022, on LinkedIn. Bernard in-boxed Tonya to compliment one of her posts about her non-profit. He had had an eye for her since he first saw her in 2018 at an event, but she was married at the time. A few years later, that had changed; Tonya was now single.
“When we first connected on LinkedIn, she shared with me that she was no longer married…,” said Bernard, who had also been previously married.
“He complimented the post and then asked me if I still worked in Birmingham…
Then he asked me if he could take me to lunch, and I said ‘No, I don’t know you like that. I don’t just go to lunch with strangers’,” Tonya recalled. “And I’m not a texter, I don’t like going back and forth doing inbox chats, so I said, ‘let me just give you my number and we’ll go from there’, but I didn’t realize by doing that I was making a move. And the first time he called me we only talked for 30 seconds; I think he was shocked that I gave him my number,” she laughed.
“But then I called back the next day and we began talking everyday as if we were in high school,” Bernard said. “I was her first call in the morning and her last call at night.” “He was like a wake-up call; I called him my alarm clock,” Tonya said.
“At that time I was still working, so I had to get to her before I started all of my occupational obligations,” said Bernard.
A month later “I figured out he was a decent person and wasn’t an ax murderer,” Tonya laughed, ”and he asked me to go to lunch with him for his birthday, and I said ‘Okay, since It’s your birthday, I’ll go to lunch with you.’”
First date: March 19, 2022, the day before Bernard’s 54th birthday at Seasons 52 at the Summit. Bernard lived in Montgomery at the time and drove up to meet Tonya for their date.
“It was like one of those movie dates, or like when people say, ‘it’s love at first sight,’ or ‘he had me at hello,’ it was literally one of those moments,” Tonya said. “We were there for about two hours and when it was time to go, this is how I knew he was hooked because he was like, “What else can we do? Can we walk around the mall?” she laughed.
Tonya is also a professional decorator/home stager and likes to frequent furniture stores and thought visiting one would make for a nice stroll and continue conversation. “…one of my favorite places is Arhaus, so we went in there and walked around looking at pieces, and that’s when I knew we were good because he got me, he understood my taste. And then he followed me to Trader Joe’s, and when we got to [the checkout] he offered to buy my groceries, but I told him no because I couldn’t have him buying me groceries on the first date,” Tonya laughed.
Bernard said he knew he had her at first sight. “When I got out of the car, she pointed at me like ‘Ah, you’re the one’, and I knew I had her then,” he said. “I could feel the synergy from the moment our eyes met. I said to myself, ‘this is going to be a great relationship.’”
Bernard said he didn’t want the date to end after lunch. Walking around the Summit “was an opportunity to gauge who she was by walking and talking with her. I wanted to see if she wanted me to be the dominant one, would she walk on the inside and allow me to walk on the outside [of the sidewalk]? I was trying to check her willingness to allow a man to lead, and [that walk] allowed me to gather some further insight,” he said.
“He was trying to see what kind of feminine energy I possessed, and I put it on him,” Tonya laughed. “I had all the feminine energy going. Sometimes when you’re a [woman in powerful leadership positions], men wonder if you can be soft, and baby I was soft, I’m completely feminine.”
The turn: April 2022. “I think he was accustomed to dating and I was not,” Tonya said. “So my thing was– either you want to be with me, or you don’t. And honestly, I wasn’t even looking to date, and I was definitely not looking to get married, but for me it was either we have something, or we don’t, I was not going to play games, and that’s what we talked about.”
“When you find someone you have kindred spirits with you want the opportunity to advance it, but I also wanted to allow the relationship to grow itself. I simply believed that if we spent time together it would’ve happened by itself, but she didn’t like that answer. But I knew at that moment I was not willing to let her go, so exclusive we became,” Bernard laughed. “When you find a great thing, you know that you cannot let it go.”
The proposal: New Year’s Eve, 2023, at Bernard’s home in Montgomery. Tonya had driven up from Birmingham to bring in the New Year together. The couple didn’t have big plans, “It was just the two of us,” Tonya said. “I was super tired. We had just completed a lot of work for the non-profit, it was the end of the year, I had just won five grants, so I was dog tired…”
“And I was working in my home office when she came in and asked me what I was doing, and I said ‘I’m working on a proposal’, and she thought it was something for my line of work, she had no idea I was working on ‘the’ proposal, and told me to wake her before the ball drops [the countdown].”
Bernard was busy putting together the playlist to accompany the 12-step treasure hunt he was orchestrating for her that included keys, songs, trinkets, and notes that finally led her to the mantle where he would pop the question.
“It started in his foyer, and each step revealed a clue. And as we went from scene to scene there was a song being played, and I timed it so that it would end at exactly 11:59, and I would get down on one knee and ask her to marry me.
“…then we get to the mantle over the fire place in the great room and there was a ring box on it but it was empty, and I was about to go off like I know you’re not jerking me around,” Tonya laughed, “because all of this build up felt like it was leading to a proposal, but I knew the ring wasn’t supposed to be ready yet so I was like what are you trying to pull? But then I looked down, and he was down on one knee with the real ring box, and the ring was bigger than I remembered. I think he and the jeweler did a whole upgrade, so my jaw dropped. And of course, the tears started rolling, and he proposed, and I said ‘yes’. And was happy because I had already told him that for things like that, I didn’t want an audience. I preferred an intimate moment, and it was very thoughtful, very romantic.”
“I told her that I would not make another birthday and not be your husband,” Bernard remembered. “I love the fact that she did not expect it to be done at that time… I knew that I wanted to propose on New Years Eve because of the anticipation of what’s next… we just love the anticipation of knowing something greater is coming.”
The wedding: At the Hyatt Regency Wynfrey Hotel in Hoover, officiated by Bernard’s brother, Pastor Clifford Mitchell, and their colors were black and antique gold. “We had an evening wedding, and an elevated experience,” said Tonya. “The tablecloths were black velvet, the florals were beautiful, all of our guests wore festive evening attire, and the food was a nod to his Louisiana upbringing. We had red beans and rice with sausage… there was Louisiana Hot Sauce at every table; the food was amazing.
Most memorable for the bride were multiple points of their ceremony. “The exchange of our vows. We wrote our own vows, and they were so meaningful and added a special anointing to the ceremony,” Tonya said. “And we had praise and worship to start our ceremony. And it was real, authentic, take us to church praise and worship. Minister Netra Blanch [a soloist, and worship leader at Faith Chapel Christian Church in Wylam] led praise and worship, and Minister Malinda White, [also from Faith Chapel] led the intercessory prayer. And in my bridal suite, all of my besties were there. I don’t have any siblings, so it was special to have my late mother, Diane Hill-Harrison’s, sisters, and my best friend Renee’ Washington there.”
Most memorable for the groom was “first and foremost, Tonya was stunningly beautiful. There’s nothing more outstanding than that. It epitomized the whole evening. But also, her son walking her down the aisle and giving me their blessing one last time to say that I am glad that you’re marrying my mom. And one of them is about 6’4, so it was good to know I had their blessing,” he laughed. “And I’m the youngest of 15 siblings, so it meant a lot to me to have all my living siblings present for the wedding, including one of them being the officiant and one of them [Bobby Mitchell] being my best man. And earlier that year, in May, I was Bobby’s best man at his wedding.
The couple honeymooned in San Destin, Florida. We took a quick trip,” Tonya said. “Are you surprising me with a honeymoon this year?” she asked Bernard during the interview. “He keeps being closed-mouthed about something, so I think something is coming.” Bernard remained mum and just laughed …
Words of wisdom: “There’s hope in every day, and tomorrow will always be greater,” Bernard said.
“I was so set on not getting married again, but never say never, because you do not know what God has in store for you. And honestly, I believe that Bernard was a godsend. You pray for things and don’t know how God will answer you. I believe he is an answered prayer, I just did not know it would come in the form of a husband, so never ‘say never,’” Tonya said.
Happily ever after: The Mitchell’s attend Faith Chapel Christian Center in Wylam, where Tonya serves in the family ministry. They are a blended family with two adult sons from Tonya’s previous marriage, Michael Anthony, 26, Davis, 24.
Tonya, 53, is an Ensley native, and Ramsay High School grad. She attended the University of Alabama, where she earned a bachelor’s degree in retail management with a minor in marketing. She is a master certified executive coach, a keynote speaker, and the founder and executive director of Diane’s Heart non-profit, and the CEO of Inspired Action Coaching and Consulting in Birmingham.
Bernard, 57, is a Hammond, Lousiana native, and attended Alabama State University where he earned a bachelor’s degree in accounting and mathematics, and master’s degree in mathematics education. He also attended Auburn University in Montgomery, where he earned an Ed.S [educational specialist degree], and is currently pursuing his doctorate in educational leadership. Bernard is a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc., and retired education administrator from Montgomery Public Schools after 30 years in education. He is now Director of Federal Programs for New Schools for Alabama.
“You Had Me at Hello’’ highlights married couples and the love that binds them. If you would like to be considered for a future “Hello’’ column, or know someone, please send nominations to Barnett Wright bwright@birminghamtimes.com. Include the couple’s name, contact number(s) and what makes their love story unique.
