Mother’s Day is set aside to celebrate the women who knew us first – our mothers. They brought us into this world, and for that, they deserve the highest honor and gratitude (and our fathers too).
But what about those who don’t have the warm and fuzzies surrounding their mothers, parents, families? What about those who cringe at the thought of having to “spend time” with their parents during the holidays? And I don’t need to write a thesis for you to understand why some feel this way.
We know that not all children have good relationships with their mothers. And like it or not, we know that not all mothers (or fathers) respectfully, or properly, nurtured their children. We don’t like to speak about it in our communities, but we see the fruit of it everywhere – children who were abandoned, abused, neglected and degraded verbally or physically. Those children grow up and carry the sting of that rejection, hurt and anger.
And that seed grows and transmutes in a number of ways into their relationships and experiences, unless counseling or coaching is sought to stop the negative spiral. For those who identify with this experience, then this column is dedicated to you.
Not everyone had the perfect parental guidance or upbringing. And you should know that you are by no means alone. Statistics show up to 80-percent of families in America are dysfunctional. That’s right — 80 percent.
So most people you know had some type of “crazy” going on at home (maybe you can’t say it, but I will). So if you’re in that percentage, then you’re in a group with many others. But rather than allow your negative maternal or paternal experience of yesterday or today to hold you hostage, I want to share three ways to properly grieve that loss and usher in healing for a brighter day.
First, stop denying your mother (or father for that matter) abused, mistreated, mishandled or neglected you. I seriously believe truth is the root of all healing. It may hurt to see the truth, but I can assure you if you don’t acknowledge it, it will continue to hinder your current relationships.
Second, after you accept your reality, make a plan to heal. Your plan will not look like anyone else’s. That would look like talking to a counselor or coach, taking an online course or attending classes on the subject matter. Healing requires more than lip service, it requires intentional action on your part.
Third, purpose to forgive them for past deeds. Yes, I know it’s hard, but forgiveness gives grace for misdeeds. And I’ve determined that we all need this type of grace. And let me also say, my heart goes out to you if you didn’t have the nurturing support of your parents.
But the beautiful thing is, they gave you and I the best gift that we’ll ever receive — life.
As always, I’m cheering for you and you can reach out directly to me at keisasharpe@yahoo.com. And make sure you visit our website www.keisasharpe.info for current events like our Upscale Single Mixer coming up on May 30.
