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When it’s Time to Say Goodbye in a Relationship


If we were to be honest, there are times that some relationships are way too costly for us. And it’s necessary to make tough decisions about whether we will remain in it or leave altogether.

Many times, we know when we reach this point, but often struggle with making a solid decision. The result of that indecision, or delayed decision, can result in frustration and possibly even loss. If this describes you, I want to help you move forward and I’ll pose a simple question first. What is this relationship costing you to stay in it?

Rather than just think aloud, grab a piece of paper and write the pros and cons. Once that’s completed, continue to write about what you’re experiencing in the relationship.

Here are a few questions, too, which should help.

First, is the relationship peaceful, purposeful and progressive, or does it yield disturbances, distractions and detractions? Second, what is your state of mind after interacting with the person? And can you imagine a future with them continuing from this point?

By completing this exercise, your answers will point you toward either a positive or negative experience.  But, if you’re still uncertain about your direction, let me suggest a little more work for you to do personally. This will involve you having a mature conversation with your partner to explain what you’re doing. By letting them know you are focusing on taking time away for you, they can endeavor to hopefully support your efforts.

When you take some time away, the goal is to focus on you for a short while and rekindle your interests, likes and desires, pouring needful energy back into you. And while you are getting back to you, it’s also a great time to do a serious evaluation of your relationship with distance between you two.

The goal is an environment which will foster healthy relational analysis and not knee-jerk emotional responses, which can come from direct interaction with your partner.

In other words, you’re simply taking a break with the goal of replenishing your soul.

And let me add, a supportive partner will not see this as a threat. We take vacations from work; how much more do we need to give our hearts and souls meaningful rest?

It might seem challenging to do, but this could very well be an important step to breathe new life into your relationship.

You gain a new perspective by getting the whole view of your relationship, often by stepping away from it. My encouragement is to take the step, or break, that’s needed to save your relationship, before it’s too late.

Remember, I am cheering for you, and I am just an email away should you need me.

Keisa Sharpe-Jefferson is a life coach, author and speaker. Her column appears each month online and in The Birmingham Times. You can contact Keisa at keisasharpe@yahoo.com and visit http://www.allsheanaturals.com for natural hair and body products.